Squirrels May Turn On Us

Madeline Rickard- Indy Staff Writer

When I was bored I made the mistake of watching animal planet. The show was called Too Cute so of course I was hooked the minute my vision came across baby Chihuahuas going outside for the first time and toppling through grass as tall as them. It wasn’t Shark Week, but nobody complained so I didn’t change the channel. It made my day and the cuteness brought me to tears (not that hard to do) and I decided then that Animal Planet must be one of the best networks out there.
Unfortunately because I didn’t change the channel I was scarred for life the next time I sat down intending to relax. The special was Monster Week, and it was amazing. I listened to real life accounts from survivor of animals attacks and I learned fun facts about various animals. It also fed into my fear of everything in general by reminding me that animals (wild and domestic) are dangerous.
At one point while talking about the news I turned to my friend and said to them “Why are we still fighting as a country? As a continent? As a planet? We can’t just break into groups A and B over whatever, we have to learn to share resources and ideas for survival. Communication is most important so we can band together and take on the true danger to the human species: animals.” She kind of just gave me a look that I can’t put into words and remarked that she supposed it was one way to look at it. Eventually with new fears of other things filling me (fire from candles, reckless drivers, ect.) I forgot about how easily I could be eaten alive and proceeded to get on with my life until one day.
Finally after fighting a weeks worth of headaches and nausea classes finished up and I was allowed to go back to my dorm. Feeling ill and unable to do much of anything, including the sleep I probably needed, I again made the mistake of watching specials from animal planet. At first in my tired state I was thankful that such beast like the Komodo dragon and the Nile crocodile lived far away from me keeping all of us safe from animals. In fact, I hardly ever saw much wildlife that fearlessly approached me since the geese at the zoo in years. Just a bunch of squirrels on the quad- wait. This campus is nearly overrun by furry creatures of doom that dart in front of each person on their way to the next building. Why are there so many? Global warming? Perhaps, but more likely a secret spying software to track the movements of the people here. I mean, how often do we step back and ask ourselves what those things are actually doing here? It could be coincidence that as that little beast nibbles on its meal the eyes drat back and forth to take in the terrain. Each bot sticks to its designated path of patrol while doing animal like activities and retrieving the data for later analyzation.
Or the campus just has a bunch of real squirrels that can still sink their little claws into us. Joe could be happily skipping down the road eating a bagel when WHAM, a monster leaps from the tree and onto Joe’s arm possibly giving him rabies. Lucy decides to pet the soft adorable fur when her face is pounced on. Or Jane walks up to the wildlife and proclaims that “she knows” then taken away by soldiers in a dark van. Any of this could happen, so watch out.

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